


How to Quit You

by HurricanesatDawn



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Can't stop making them suffer, I'm evil, M/M, My beta agrees, Tragic Ship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-05
Updated: 2012-05-05
Packaged: 2017-11-04 20:49:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/398076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricanesatDawn/pseuds/HurricanesatDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because you’re not even here anymore, and I still don’t know how to survive without you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Quit You

_I was at the launderette when I found out._

_I’d had a grin on my face all day, all week really. Everything was just so damn perfect. You’d kissed me hard on the mouth just before leaving, reminding me to run out and do our laundry, and that you wanted Italian for dinner._

_I’d planned to go down to the shops later so I could get ingredients to cook for you. Something which I rarely did. But I figured, hey, what the hell. It’s a special occasion. I’ll make him something he really likes. I’ll cook him his favourite dish._

_Forgot to bring a book this time. So I spent it sitting in one of the chairs, watching people’s clothes spin round and round in the machines. I used to complain every time before going down to the laundrette that you should just let me buy some machines of our own. I never liked having to go out of my way like that. You said that you hated the sound they made when they were running, that it always gave you a headache._

_I watched the people, too. Smiling at them, which is why most of them looked unnerved. Couldn’t really help but smile. It was a good day. It should have stayed that way._

_There was this one person that got there just after I did, real skinny like, total wanker. Kept dropping things everywhere, spent ten whole minutes staring at one of the chavs. Wasn’t sure if he was trying to kill her in his mind or just mentally undress her._

_I noticed one lady, looked Mexican, that must have had six loads of laundry with her. Was there when I got in, probably still there when I left. Didn’t exactly stop to check. I saw her spraying down stuff for little kids, other stuff that obviously wasn’t hers. Must’ve belonged to her husband, or her boyfriend._

_There were a couple of little brats running about the place. They weren’t being loud, but were making a big enough mess that it was obvious they were there. If so many people hadn’t been around, I’d have been tempted to bribe one of them to see if I could fit ‘im in one of the dryers. Would have been interesting, yeah? Not an experiment worthy of you, though._

_Everything was just so bright and clear that day. So shiny. The sky was actually almost blue for a change._

_You’d dashed out the door wearing your favourite jacket. Well, more like my favourite. I loved it on you. The one I got you for our anniversary a few months back._

_You know, I’d actually believed you when you said that you were putting Holmes away for good. I really did think that you were going to keep your promise and that we would retire together._ “One last thing,” _You said,_ “I have to finish one last thing and then we can be free together, Sebastian.” _That’s what you had promised me last week._

_I’d worked it all out. Buy a house on a beach somewhere, like you’d been hinting at wanting for the past four years. I’d even found us one. Was gonna show it to you at dinner. Got pictures and everything. It would have been so perfect for us. We could have settled down there._

_But we don’t get that. Because you’re dead. I’m writing a letter to a dead man. A man that shot himself in the head when he’d promised me that he was going to be back for an early dinner._

_What a fucking liar you always were. Shouldn’t have trusted you. Should’ve insisted on going with you. Something, anything. I still feel like it was all my fault. But it wasn’t, not entirely. I might not have been able to stop you. But I could have tried. Maybe just being there could have been enough. If you really loved me at all, that is. Who knows._

_You might have been lying about that as well. Our vows could have been nothing but bullshit._ “For I am his and he is mine.” _I’d wanted to believe them. Never doubted you, not for one second. Not until now._

_I’d been folding one of your shirts when he had came in, panting, breathless._ “It’s Mr. Moriarty, Sir! Mr. Moriarty’s dead.” _I stared at him in complete and utter shock. Didn’t know what to do, what to say. How do you follow up on a line like that? What do you say when some kid that you’ve never met before, but you know works for you, shows up while you’re doing laundry and says that your husband is dead?_

_My hands were on autopilot at first. I just sort of stared at him, uncomprehendingly, hands still working on the pile of clothes. They started in sink in after a few moments, he must have said my name a few times, but then I dropped the shirt and I ran out of there like I was being chased by the Nine Hells._

_I still love you, you know. I loved you when I was at the laundrette washing your boxers for you, and I love you now._

_And in the infamous words from that horrible gay movie you made me watch once...I wish I knew how to quit you._

_Because you’re not even here anymore, and I still don’t know how to survive without you._


End file.
